People don’t think what they feel, they don’t say what they think and they don’t do what they say (Ogilvy) – and the same goes for colleagues.
Human behavior is rarely a straight line, but rather a complex knot of unspoken emotions and filtered communication. We often witness a disconnect where internal anxiety transforms into external aggression, masking the objective reality of a situation with a layer of defensive posturing. To lead effectively, we must look past the immediate friction and understand that what a colleague says or does is frequently a byproduct of stress rather than a reflection of their true intent. For example:
The internal feeling: Anxiety over a looming deadline and a desperate need to comply.
The cognitive distortion: Interpreting a colleague’s objective inability to help as a personal lack of support.
The verbal outburst: Threatening escalation to regain a sense of control over the situation.
The ultimate action: Working late to meet the goal, proving that the initial conflict was driven by commitment, not malice.